I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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