fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
