Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
