All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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