i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
