I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
