Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
