at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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