At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he puts the penis in happiness.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
