the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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