i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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