just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
