Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
