god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My room smells like vodka and shame
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
