I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
