I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
