Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
