1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
