Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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