You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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