I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
