Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
