I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
