i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
