@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
