I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
