Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I didn't shave. On purpose
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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