quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
