God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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