I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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