you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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