Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
