tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
