Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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