It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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