party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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