batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
