Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
