she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
