seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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