just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
