singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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