Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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