you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
