maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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