sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
