I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
