Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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