Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
