Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
