two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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