EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
