and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize