Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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