Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
