I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
