oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Where is the hickey?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
