haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
