i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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