She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
