Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i've created a new STD.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
