new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
