I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
