Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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