I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
