You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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