it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
