This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
