just tell him i said nine months
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize