Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
