I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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