i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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