I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
