i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
