And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
