I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
