Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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