My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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