Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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