I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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