My nipple is on Facebook.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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