sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
