he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
