Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
