loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
