I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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