i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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