woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
