I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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