dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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