The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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