whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize