You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
