do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
